Motherhood observation #7: Self-care is not indulgent, it is not a luxury, it is essential. Mothers are only human and you need time out to replenish. Use that down time wisely, with the express intention of filling your cup. The weekend is there for you to unwind too so give yourself permission!
This is what I need every so often: time where there is spaciousness from the demands, requests and needs of others, some simple peace and quiet, time to be an autonomous, independent adult responding to my own needs, desires and dreams. It’s a work in progress but I am getting better at communicating these needs, creating opportunities to enjoy them and really relishing them, guilt free.
If you could do with a sounding board to explore any of the issues we’ve raised this week, or if you need some help establishing a good self-care routine, please get in touch with me. We are all in it together!
Lots of love, Suz xx
Motherhood observation #6: Take the advice that works for you and your own dynamic. Let the rest roll off your shoulders. Every child is different and every parent child dynamic is different. Acknowledge too that there are treasures and trials unique to every stage of development, and know that everyone experiences them differently.
Motherhood observation #5: Savour the good times. Share them with your partner. Sometimes they don’t hear enough of them. My husband sees me most often at the end of the day when my patience is starting to fray. I try to send a picture message during the day, capturing a happy moment I’d like to share with him – it gives him a better chance at a balanced perception of our day.
If I’m feeling stressed, sitting with Charlotte and pouring over our happy images can be a really replenishing thing to do. It’s also a lovely way to stay connected with friends and family scattered around the world.
Want to learn more about how to amplify life’s joys? Book in for a walk and talk with me and I will show you savouring in action. It’s the simplest way to top up your emotional bank account.
Motherhood observation #4: Empower your partner, other willing family members and friends to be actively involved. Criticism, micromanaging, or just doing everything yourself disempowers them. Also, speak up, ask for help and give yourself permission to gently shape the help that is offered to you by others. Carefully observe the patterns that you, in part, are creating. They might be with you for a very long time.
I will never forget this experience: In the grocery store, Charlotte was making life very difficult and a woman in her 50’s caught my eye. I softly said “the joys of shopping with a toddler”. She hissed back at me “I enjoyed every moment with mine”. I wanted the earth to swallow me up and wow, I felt like the worst mother possible. Now who knows what tragedy has struck that poor woman’s life so I wish her peace, but it’s no wonder that it took me so long to accept today’s notion…
Motherhood observation #3: It is ok to acknowledge that there are times when child rearing is a burden, when it’s not fun, when you’d rather be doing something else. This does not make you a bad mother. It does not mean you love your child any less. In my experience, pressure to ‘enjoy everything’ or to suppress honest negative feelings about motherhood only amplifies stress. My guiding principle is to relish the good and make peace with the not so good.
If you need someone to talk to about your experience of motherhood, please get in touch. An impartial sounding board can be just what you need. I’ve been there, I am there… and I understand! Drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org